


Starving for the sun

by cuinaminute



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angela is concerned, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blood, Blood and Injury, F/F, Flowers, Forks High School (Twilight), Gen, Hanahaki Disease, I couldnt find any like this, I dont like edward, Jake is okay, Jasper feels everything, Rosalie is conflicted, So i decided to write my own, Vampires, anguish, gloomy, hope bella doesnt seem too ooc, i am rambling, i own nothing, its kinda sad, wlw, yay me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:26:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28390116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cuinaminute/pseuds/cuinaminute
Summary: Bella doesn't love Edward.She's running out of time.The flowers are becoming more frequent.Her chest keeps tightening and it feels like she can't breathe.She doesn't want to drown.
Relationships: Rosalie Hale/Bella Swan
Comments: 28
Kudos: 211





	1. White

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo I have no explanation for this besides the fact that I got the idea stuck in my head and couldn't get rid of it.  
> 

Flowers are such beautiful things. Petals and thorns, branches grow and sprout buds that bloom like they are grateful to the sun.

The flowers inside her chest do not have the pleasure of feeling the sun and it’s warmth but that doesn't stop them from blooming and taking up precious space that’s not accommodated for such beautiful creations.

Bella wishes that there was no pain that comes with the flower petals making their way up her esophagus and spilling out like art that’s meant to represent something else entirely. Her lungs burn, there is a sting in the back of her throat and the taste of copper on her tongue but she doesn't breathe.

Her hand tightens around the petals but she doesn't look at them. She knows the flowers growing and branches intertwining between her lungs, ribs and heart like she knows the different shades the color of gold can be.

Bella takes a breath through her nose as she tries to forget the ache that seems to increase in her chest as she looks in the mirror. She’s played it off like the flu and everyone believed her, she’s gotten good at that, lying. Just like she’s gotten good at hiding the flower petals whenever they choose to finally meet the sun.

She never thought that this would happen to her, of course she’s heard stories of one sided love and how petals, thorns, and even seeds make their way up until the person can't breathe anymore, the plants greedy for the sun they have been denied.

Stories about how much it can hurt and how it feels like you’re drowning above water. To some people it would be best to not feel anything at all anymore, they don't want the pain that comes attached to this beauty that doesn't look cruel. Others are reminded of their love that will rarely be returned whenever overcome with coughing fits and the blood mixed with petals that never seem to dwindle that rest in the palm of their hands.

She finally looks down at her still clenched hand and uncurls her fingers to be met with a few petals from a white carnation that are surprisingly still a pure color, a symbol of eternal love, if she remembered correctly.

White carnations are _her_ favorite.

The trash bin swallows the petals that have come from the love that's planted itself inside her chest and the water from the faucet runs over her hands until they feel clean. She wishes it was that easy, that simple, but when was anything in her life ever simple.

The bell ringing out through the intercom reminds her that school is over. Edward will be waiting for her in the parking lot and she just wants to stay here. Why cant she just stay here and for a moment not feel the branches tightening around her heart and squeezing her lungs until it feels like she can't breathe? Just a moment, that's all she wants. Just a moment without the feeling of love spreading through her breastbone accommodated with the pain that her feelings won't be returned.

With a defeated sigh she rinses her mouth out with water and dries her hands before grabbing her backpack. He’ll come looking for her if she takes any longer and she knows he will find her in a heartbeat.

The hallways are empty as she makes her way towards the doors, students already gone and teacher’s keeping to their classrooms to finish grading papers and making sure they have everything together before the weekend starts.

The weather is always gloomy in Forks and she’s gotten used to the almost constant clouds and spurts of rain that come out of nowhere. The entire town just feels like there is something simmering just beneath the surface and if you look hard enough and search in just the right places you’ll find the answer.

She grips the strap to her bag tighter when she sees him leaning against his car, sunglasses on like the sun is too bright but she knows better. He looks just as brooding as when he gave her a ride to school that morning because her truck was acting up.

She doesn't see anyone else in the parking lot, seems like she took longer than she intended and she didn't hold back the sigh of relief that escaped her lips. “Bella what took you so long?” Edward stands up straight and takes his sunglasses off as she comes to a stop before him. She gives him an apologetic smile as she shrugs her shoulders at his question. “Sorry, upset stomach.” The lie is easy as it rolls off her tongue, like honey. “Oh,” His fingers fiddle with the sunglasses. “Did you want to go home and hang out or did you still want to come over, I’ve been working on some music.” He sounded hopeful but she didn't want to be alone with Edward anymore today even more than she wanted to be in a house full of vampires with supernatural hearing. She never knew when the flowers making their home inside her would release petal with a chance of seeing the sun. She didn’t want them to know and she definitely didn't want Edward to find out.

“I’m kind of tired, I just want to go to bed.” She tells him as she opens the passenger door and she hopes, no, she prays that he will listen to her, just once.

Edward drops her off at her house with a kiss on the cheek and a promise to see her later and Bella is grateful that Charlie is still at work. She drops her bag on the floor and flops down on her bed not even caring that she skipped lunch and should be hungry right now. She’s not in the mood to go back downstairs and look through the fridge for something to eat. She just wanted to sleep and not feel this pain that’s becoming all too familiar.

She dreams of the color of honey and red lipstick. Soft blonde hair and marble skin.

The next day is just lounging around and watching TV with Charlie and she’s glad he doesn't question whenever she goes into a coughing fit and has to leave the room, he just simply asks if she’s okay and she tells the same lie she told everyone else.

The petals are now dappled in red and she wishes they were still the pure white color as the day before because that means it’s progressing. She looks down at the cup in her hand, the water has a red tint to it and a single petal floating at the top and she’s glad she’s already in the kitchen because she doesn't know how she would hide this from Charlie.

Edward called twice that day asking if she wanted to come over and she’s ignored him both times. She just wanted to have a day with just her and Charlie, no vampires and shapeshifters involved.

That evening Bella looks up cures to the flowers that tell of her one sided love. None of them are cheap and she knows if there was a chance at curing it then she’d have to tell Charlie but as she reads about the recommended surgery that will steal the seed latched onto her heart she realizes that the symptoms that come after are something she knows she doesn't want to experience.

Bella feels something stir in her chest and hisses in pain. It seems like the very roots of the flowers refuse to accept that she’s even thinking the idea of stealing them from their home. They want to make her beautiful, it’s their job to show her pain.

Her phone ringing next to her brings her back to the present as the pain dulls just a fraction. She glances at the caller ID and is not surprised that Edward is calling again. Ignoring him seems to get on his nerves and she just wished to have a day without him checking up on her. She doesn't answer and instead shoots him a text that tells him she’s still not feeling good and asked about his day.

Tossing her phone somewhere on her bed she looks back at the site she was looking at and the symptoms that came with the surgery that she was curious about. After glancing over it again and again she decided that she wasn't going to do that, no, she would find another way.

The buzz from her phone makes her jump and she closes her laptop before checking her phone and sees that he texted her asking if she wanted him to come over and give her company because he missed her, nothing about how his day went or that he hoped she felt better than yesterday.

Apparently the flowers in her chest like to remind her they are not for him because she starts coughing and petals after patels are coming up her throat and she wishes the burning would go away. Blood is staining her lips and the once white petals that meet the clean sink, it takes a good few minutes until she feels like she can breathe again. Her chest aches and there is a stinging pain beneath her ribs. 

She wished they would stop growing, just stop and let her breath.


	2. Poppy

Bella asked Carlisle once if vampires have flowers in their chests like humans do when she first found out what was happening. He had given her a curious look before telling her that there have been some cases that he was aware of.

He told her of vampires who don't breathe anymore because flowers fill up their lungs and of vampires who have flower buds sprout from their marble skin and bloom despite centuries of not seeing the sun.

Vampires who smell of the flowers buried in their chests. Vampires who beg the Volturi to break the already broken pieces because who wants to live forever knowing that they can never stop loving that one person.

He called it tragically beautiful. Bella can't help but agree with him.

She now knew her answer to the question that she dare not speak out loud. Vampires can't die from the flowers invading their chests but that didn't mean it was cured once the venom took over.

The beeping from the oven timer brings her out of that memory as the smell of pizza makes her stomach growl. Charlie left a while ago to go fishing and she skipped breakfast because she was cleaning her room and searching the web again, she had found some home remedies that might help.

She had texted Edward earlier that she wanted to be left alone today and wasn't planning on going anywhere and so far he still hasn't responded but she doesn't care.

Cutting her a slice and sitting at the table she takes her phone out and debates on calling Jake, she hadn't spent time with him in a while. She was also thinking about telling him about what’s happening. He was Jacob, her best friend and she knew he had a right to know.

Besides it was Sunday, school starts tomorrow and she didn't know if she was ready for that.

Jake comes over right as it starts raining and he gives her a big hug and holds on a little longer than usual, apparently she underestimated how much he missed her. “God it’s been forever.” He gives her a bright smile and she cant help but return it, she’s missed him too.

“How have you been? It’s been a while since we got the hang out without blondie sulking in the corner.” He slightly jokes and she agrees. Edward didn't like her hanging out with Jake because he could turn into a giant dog, he always had to be there whenever he visited her and always had to add his two cents in the conversation.

“You know, just school and homework.” She wants to spare him of her news, not yet she keeps telling herself even if a voice adds that she’s running out of time.

“Come on, I picked out a few movies to watch while it’s still raining.” She motions to the living room and he gives her a smile as he heads to look at the movies and she checks the two pizzas in the oven.

Bella missed hanging out with Jake, she missed his humor and habit of spoiling the movie they were watching because he’s already seen it even if it annoyed her to no end. She’s missed how polite he was because he doesn't eat both pizzas without asking if she wants some first. She misses how he reminds her of dirt roads and sandalwood and later when she’s watching him work on her truck and talking about what’s wrong with it and what he was doing to fix it, she finds that she doesn't miss how he reminds her of the smell of metal and oil when working.

Fluorescent lights, a row of expensive cars, and bright golden eyes flash into her mind.

Bella stops breathing because it feels like she’s drowning just a bit more than before and the tickle of the petals coming up makes her shudder. She scrunches her eyes closed and swallows despite the pain. They will not meet the sun right now, she will not allow it.

Jake asks for a tool that she doesn't remember the name of before she excuses herself to get a drink because her chest is tightening and she wants to cry. The pain only intensifies when she reaches the kitchen and she barely fills a glass with water before she can't hold it back anymore.

Red and White are such pretty colors, Bella thinks to herself.

The sink looks like a canvas that she painted and she wishes that was just it, an abstract painting. But the flower petals and blood tell her something else, this isn’t a painting. This is her pain.

She’s trying to get her breathing under control when she hears the front door open and all she wants to do is curse and scream at the love that’s planted itself in her heart but she can barely breathe, her lungs don't want to work.

“Bella?”

She didn’t expect him to come back inside so quickly, she thought she still had time. But she knows she can't hide this, not now. She barely has enough strength to keep her grip on the sink as she hears footsteps come closer.

Bella hates crying, hates it with a passion but at that moment she can't help but cry. The pain is spreading and burning and she can feel the branches growing and she wants it to stop. Why can't it stop?

What idiot told everyone that love doesn't hurt? That love couldn't kill?

Jake helps her to the couch in the living room, he doesn't judge her nor does he scold her for keeping it from him. But now he knows, and she knows he has a million questions but he waits for her.

It takes her a little longer than usual to be able to breathe without her lungs feeling like they are being stabbed every time she inhales. She’s beyond thankful when he brings her a bottle of water and some pain meds and even though she knows that he has to clean up her mess in the kitchen she’s glad that it's Jake and not Edward. Bella wipes away her tears with the sleeve of her jacket and takes a shaky breath that makes her lungs ache, she had cried enough today.

She didn't notice that the menu to the movie was still going and she cant help but think that she’ll miss little things like this when she’s gone. The music from the DVD menu playing on loop barely reaches her ears as she finally swallows the two pills Jake gave her.

A few moments later and she feels the pain dulling and she can't be more grateful for Jake than she was in that moment, he was here with her and now she didn't have to hide.

“Bella?” She looks up to see Jake standing at the end of the couch and he looks lost and scared and not at all like the big strong confident guy that he brags about being. She gives him a small smile and pats the cushion next to her, she wants him to know she’s okay and that she’s ready to talk even if talking makes it hurt.

He doesn't say anything as he sits down next to her, she knows that he’s still trying to process what's going on and she gives him the time. “Edward?” He asks and she cant help but shake her head before he’s even finished, he never thought that Edward loved her like he always said he did, he was too controlling. “No,” Her voice cracks and she clears her throat and places a hand over her heart when she feels just a tad too much pressure in her chest. “No not Edward.”

“Who is it?” He sounds afraid to ask and she doesn't blame him, anybody would be scared to ask that question no matter the answer.

Can she say her name? Will it stir up the flowers in her chest even more? It hurts just thinking about her, it hurts to dream about her. Will saying her name out loud, will admitting it to someone else make the pain tenfold?

Bella looks down at her hands resting in her lap because she can't look at him anymore. Will he think of her any differently? Will he leave when she tells him? She didn't want to lose Jake.

“You don't have to tell me.” He places his hand over hers and she knows he’s being genuine, he doesn't want to push her even though he’s dying for answers.

Who did she love so much that it caused this to happen? Who couldn't love her? Who was responsible for her pain?

She gives him a smile that tells him how much it would mean to say the name out loud, how much it would hurt. Jake can see the pain in her eyes, her posture, the way she’s holding his hands in her own. The pain meds he gave her were helping but they could only ease her suffering to an extent.

“Rosalie.”


	3. Rose

The sun had long past set in the west, the sky dark and the light of the full moon casts a soft silver glow over the forest, watching those who sleep and those who roam at night.

“Do you miss the sun?”

She’s met with silence for so long that she doesn't know if her question will be answered but she waits.

“I miss its warmth, the feeling of it on my skin.”

There is a cricket chirping in the background somewhere and she can only guess what else is lurking in the shadows, she does know that the others are out hunting and that Edward wanted Rosalie to stay with her because he didn't want her to go visit Jake.

So the blonde stayed as Bella hid her annoyance with Edward’s constant need to know where she was and who she was hanging out with. 

“What about the moon?” She can't help but ask and is rewarded with a soft chuckle and no matter what she doesn't want this moment to end.

“The moon is cold. It might reflect light from the sun but that doesn't mean it has its warmth.”

Searching the night sky as silence falls between them she finds Orion's belt and wonders how many stars have already burnt out that still cast a light that continues reaching and reaching despite the flame that no longer burns.

Would she notice? When that one star that always shows up in the sky is suddenly no longer there. Would she look and look and look and not be able to figure out what was missing?

Would it be drowned out by the billions of stars that still cast out light to reach anyone who looks? With each trying to outshine the other, she wouldn't be surprised if there were stars that no longer took up space in the sky and no one seemed to notice.

“Bella,” An angelic voice calls her from her thoughts and she finally looks over at the blonde that’s now watching her with curiosity. Marble skin glows softly from the light that's reflected from the sun and gold eyes are shining bright against the darkness that's still the night.

 _Breathtaking_ , she can't help but think.

She just knows that seeing her like this is better than seeing Edward in the sun that one time, he sparkled as he stood in the rays of light and she called him beautiful.

But Rosalie, right now. In the light of the full moon, under the stars. Bella knows that she’s more than beautiful, so much more and she decides that nothing will ever come close to outshining the blonde vampire.

"What?” She asks after a moment because she realizes that she's been staring but still can't tear her eyes away.

A soft smile turns into a smirk. “What are you thinking?”

What was she thinking? Many things, too many to count.

Bella lets one hand fall from her lap to touch the grass beneath her, it's soft and cool and she lets her fingers run over the small blades because she knows that her want, her need to reach out and take Rosalie’s hand into her own is wrong.

“The stars.” She finally answers after a moment of trying to catch a thought that wasn't about the blonde vampire who easily steals her breath from her.

She looks back to the sky because she knows if she doesn't then she might never be able to look away.

“What about the stars?” Rosalie’s question surprises her because she didn't expect her to be curious enough to ask her to elaborate.

“Do you notice when they are no longer there? ” She glances back at the blonde who is now looking towards the sky and her eyes want to linger on pale skin but she won't and tears her eyes away to look back at the sky.

There is a soft breeze, she can hear an owl somewhere in the forest and she doesn't care that she’s sitting next to a vampire.

A vampire that makes her feel things that Edward never could.

After a few moments of silence and Bella realizing that her question might not be answered Rosalie sits up straight and she wonders what she’s hearing. “The others are on their way.” The blonde says before getting to her feet and looking back down at her. “Come on, Edward wouldn’t like that you forced me into coming out here with you.” She says with just a hint of annoyance when talking about her adopted brother.

“I didn't force you.” She points out as the two start walking back to the house, she doesn't see Rosalie giving her a smirk.

“You did.” She says nonchalantly and Bella just shakes her head with a small smile because she knows that there is no way that the blonde vampire would admit to anything else.

Bella doesn't watch as Emmett greets Rosalie with a kiss, instead she takes Edward’s hand into her own and gives him a smile that he gladly returns before he tells the others that he is going to take her home.

She isn't going to protest because she doesn't want to catch Jasper giving her a concerned look. She doesn't want to see Emmett drag Rosalie to their room with a not too innocent smile. She won't stay when Alice is still not talking to her for some reason.

So she leaves with Edward, his hand still in hers and a feeling in her chest that she chose to ignore.

A feeling that kept growing and growing until flowers started to bloom.


	4. Crimson

She reaches out and lightly touches a petal that’s blooming with color, a flower that's had the privilege of basking in the warmth of the sun.

It’s soft against her fingers, so very delicate. Bright and vibrant, and full of life.

Isn't it ironic? Such beautiful creations that are laced with love and affection can bring pain and misery to those who love too much and not enough at the same time.

“What are you thinking?” She looks up from the flower that’s in her lap to see Edward sitting at the end of her bed watching her. His golden eyes searching her face, studying her, trying to see past the barrier that’s keeping him out.

It makes her uncomfortable and she has to fight the urge to shift away from his gaze.

Glancing back down at the flower that he gave her mere minutes ago, she can understand why he would be curious. Bella hasn't spoken since he handed her the small pot with a bright smile on his face and such gentleness in his hands. 

Edward said he had a gift when she got to school that morning, something that would make her smile again. A surprise, he told her when she couldn't help but ask as they were walking into the school. 

Little did he know that it would have the opposite effect.

There is no joy, no glee, no smile on her face. Only confusion and panic and something that she can't quite put a name to.

She won't cry, no matter how much she wants to, no matter how much her chest tightens from such a simple gift, and not for all the right reasons.

“Do you not like it?” There is an undertone of hurt in his voice and she knows that he’s concerned that he messed up. He has every right, even though he doesn't because this was his fault.

“It’s beautiful,” She finally manages to say as she trails her finger over a fragile petal and a soft sigh leaves her lips. Bella prays that she doesn't look so close to breaking as she feels. 

Looking back up, she sees him still watching her, golden eyes boring into her and she wants to look away, anywhere else but she knows she can't. 

Despite the pain that's spreading through her chest there is a curiosity that burns her bones like liquid steel, she needs to know. 

Fingers tighten around the clay pot enough to cause pain. “Edward,” Her voice is stronger than she feels and she’s never been more grateful.

“What's wrong?” He reaches a hand out across the covers, but she doesn't reach out to him, she won't. “Nothing,” Bella says softly and this time she does smile because she knows she can't tell him, that he won't accept it. He will never understand why her heart could never choose him.

“A rose?” She asks and understanding shines in his eyes and he smiles at her. “A rose so you will always remember how much I love you.” His grin is big and shows white pearly teeth and she can't look at him anymore.

Relief floods through her like cold water at his words. He doesn't know, she is so grateful that he doesn't know.

There is a long moment of silence and even though she knows that it would be polite to thank him she can't find it in her to say the words. Thankfully she doesn't have to because a phone rings, his phone and she can tell he doesn't want to answer it because it rings and rings and he isn't moving.

Edward is still watching her like he’s trying to pick her apart, trying to figure out what she isn't telling him. But she won't help him with his quest because her secrets are hers alone.

It’s ringing again and both of them know it's his family. She can see the reluctance in his movements, but he answers this time. There are no words spoken, she can't hear what the vampire on the other end is saying. 

“I have to leave.” He’s to his feet in seconds after the phone call ends. “Oh, um okay.” She should say more, ask him what's wrong. If the others were okay, but nothing else comes out.

“I’ll see you later,” Edward tells her with a soft smile and then he’s gone.

Eyes cast down to see bright red. She wonders why he gave her a potted rose instead of just a rose. Did he want her to take care of it? Did he want her to see the beauty in it? Was it really just a reminder of how much he loves her?

Deep breath in, deep breath out. 

Her chest tightens and burns when she can't find it in her to take another breath. Just a few seconds, she tells herself. She can pretend it doesn't hurt as much. 

Roses represent love and passion, but when they choose to grow where there is no sun, they can become greedy and cruel.

They have thorns that can puncture the lungs with every breath, petals that crawl up a person's throat. Thick branches that cause so much pain and damage that it can take half as long to drown in red. 

Bella is glad she doesn't have roses growing in her chest. She is glad the universe isn't that cruel.


End file.
